Ramblings of an Un-Runner, Part I

So I've decided to run a half marathon...and I'm fully aware that "un-runner" is not technically a word. But it's what I am, a runner who really isn't. I know this blog is most often used for updates and stories of my girls, but this little personal journey I have taken seems to deserve some space too. Because when I do my training runs, there are countless random thoughts in my head that swirl about. I thought maybe writing them (typing?) down would give them a home. And somewhere for me to reflect upon after January 18th.

Why am I running? I ask myself that almost every time I lace my shoes. The short answer is for two reasons: for me and for those who cannot. All my life I've been a little inept in the athletic realm. I was the girl who sucked at tennis. And golf. And basketball (except for that one "Hail Mary" shot). I suppose I could have done better if I had found the grit to follow through. I was the girl who made every excuse not to dress out for PE. I'd get A's in most subjects and always be in danger of failing Phys Ed. Who fails Phys Ed?? To run a marathon (OK...half), is such a far-reaching physical goal for me that it almost makes it more attractive. Because from day one, I knew I could do it. There isn't anything I really feel like I *can't* do, it's just more that I *won't*. This goal was enticing because it was like an FU to the doubter in me. The little voice that likes to toy with me every now and again, talking me out of dreaming. Running became my way of slapping it in the face.

Which really takes me to the second, more important reason...for those who cannot. For Ronan Thompson. For Ty Louis Campbell. For Diem Brown. Google them...their stories of hope and bravery will change your perspective on life. For my grandfather Al. For my stepmother Diane. For the children who died at Sandy Hook. For the women and children being ravaged in every corner of this world, simply for being female. For the children that I have known through Crisis Nursery and the FCRB, who could probably run circles around me with their strength and resilience. These are all people who float in and out of my thoughts as my feet hit the pavement. I think of their stories and running 13 miles seems like a walk in the park. I would be shameless to quit now.

I might share some stories from "the road" as I update the blog. I will try to keep the rambling to a minimum. And I will probably share a musical reference with each entry...because really, music is the soundtrack to life! Every song I listen to as I run makes me feel something...determination, reflection, nostalgia, healing, sadness, joy...it's all there.

My first song that I start every run with (especially early morning runs):

https://soundcloud.com/andros-rodriguez/florence-the-machine-shake-it